Train Etiquette 101

So, as many of you have read, I live on the Main Line and work in Center City Philadelphia.
Since I despise all things that have anything to do with driving on 76 (including being a passenger) I take the lovely R5 every morning and afternoon to and from work.

I normally get on the 7:10 am or the 7:37 when I am lazy, and either the 5:05 pm when I am trying to get out of Dodge, or the 5:35.

At these times of the morning and afternoon, people are either JUST waking up (like me) or at the end of a very busy day (again, like me). I talk all day. To people in my office, on the phone...all.day.long.

The one thing I DON'T want to do on the train is talk, or mostly, hear anyone else talk. I want quiet. For 40 minutes each way that's what I want.

I don't care if you want to talk to your neighbor/coworker/friend quietly, but if I am sitting more than 2 rows away from you and can hear your ENTIRE conversation...you are talking too loudly.

This folks, brings me to the rant about my new favorite enemy. I don't know who she is personally, but I know what she looks like and I avoid sitting even in the same train car as her when I can.

Yesterday, I was not so lucky. Not only was I in the same car, I was sitting RIGHT behind her. She was quiet until she saw her friend and then she started to talk, and didn't stop the ENTIRE train ride. In her loud, squeaky obnoxious voice.

This is what I learned about my enemy yesterday (meanwhile, remember the train ride is only 25 minutes for her because thank goodness she gets off at Villanova)

Note: All of this is in HER words, I am not embellishing AT ALL. My commentary is in italics)

1. She has skinny arms and legs but her ass is huge.
2. She hates her stomach.
3. Her ex boyfriend used to love her stomach and play with it in bed. (ew)
4. She is only 23 but very mature for her age. (ha, just keep reading)
5. She thinks she is one of the smartest people in her MBA program even though she is one of the youngest.
6. She can't wait to graduate. (neither can I so you stop taking my train!)
7. She is going to Manhattan this weekend to see friends.
8. She is not taking Amtrak because it is too expensive.
9. She is annoyed she can't afford Amtrak because now she has to take 3 trains.
10. She does not wear jeans...ever.
11. She does not wear sneakers unless she is running.
12. She loves wearing dresses, her closet is full and she is always buying more.
13. Her friend (on the train) will love her friends from college when she meets them this weekend. (if you could have seen the look on her friends face when she says this...priceless)
14. She think it's ok if her friend (on the train) wears jeans this weekend, but she should know that all her friends from college wear dresses so she'll be the only one in jeans. (duh!)
15. She is really tired.
16. She hasn't gone to bed before 11 any night this week.
17. She knows she will get no sleep in Manhattan this weekend because her friends are 'crazy'.
18. She has 3 guys that like her right now. They call all the time. None of them are her type, but she goes out to dinner with all of them (seperately, of course!) because they take her to nice dinners.
19. She is annoyed because all 3 tried to kiss her at one point this week and she had to gently turn each one down.
20. She is seeing all 3 next week.
21. She is so busy with school and work she doesn't even know how she has time to go to dinner with anyone.
22. She is really excited to go to New York this weekend.
23. She thinks she will go shopping for a new dress at work tomorrow. (note to self, do NOT go shopping at lunch tomorrow)
24. She loves Banana Republic Dresses. (don't we all)
25. She will shop at Banana Republic on Broad Street tomorrow and forgo lunch. She is too fat to eat anyways. (this girl has to be a 2, maybe a 4 at the biggest)

That's right folks, 25 things in 25 minutes. I wanted to throw myself under the wheels of the train the entire time. Actually scratch that...I wanted to throw HER under the train.

Her poor friend didn't get a word in edgewise the entire time. Talky girl did not even notice this. NOR did she notice that she was the ONLY one on the train making any sort of noise. I guarantee that everyone else on the train could list atleast 20 of the 25 items above because she talks THAT loudly.

I am SO on the lookout for her tonight and will sit an entire car away if I see her. As amusing as it is for me to listen to her assinine thoughts for 25 minutes, I would rather have my peace and quiet.

Anyone like that ever sit by you? How about the person that wants to talk to you on the train...stories please! I can't be the only one!!